Buckle up your Mediterranean love story begins now, with mild sarcasm and some unsolicited relationship advice.
For Lovers Who Want Sun, Seafood, and Possibly a Heated Argument in a Kayak
Malta, the land of golden limestone, crystalline waters, and Instagram filters that practically apply themselves. It’s the ideal destination for couples who crave a romantic getaway, or at the very least, a location to dramatically storm off from one another while surrounded by Baroque architecture.
But before you pack matching swimsuits and delusions of "restful travel," here’s your no nonsense (but all facts included) guide to conquering this Mediterranean jewel as a duo.
Getting To Malta: Travel Together or Die Trying
First, let’s talk logistics. Malta International Airport is your tiny but mighty entry point. Direct flights are available from most major European cities. If you're flying in from the U.S., expect a layover. Probably two. Maybe three if your airline is feeling spicy.
Pro tip: Try booking seats together, unless you’d like to start your holiday with aggressive eye contact across the aisle.
Where to Stay: From Bougie to Budget
Your choice of accommodation says a lot about your relationship. Are you the type to whisper sweet nothings at a rooftop pool bar, or bicker over the air conditioning in a three star guesthouse?
Sliema:
Malta’s answer to “we want sea views and Starbucks.” Sliema is modern, walkable, and full of cafés where you can pretend to be digital nomads. Great for couples who like a mix of relaxation and retail therapy.
Valletta:
If you're looking to rekindle your love via cobbled streets, historic fortresses, and candlelit wine bars, the capital is perfect. Also great for couples who want a Renaissance backdrop.
Gozo:
Think of it as Malta’s calmer, prettier cousin. Ideal for couples seeking solitude, nature, or to test the limits of their GPS during an off road scooter ride.
Dining Together Without Causing a Scene
Malta’s cuisine is a magical collision of Italian passion, British awkwardness, and Arabic spice, much like many relationships.
Top Eats for Two (or One with a Good Appetite):
1. Ta' Kris (Sliema): Try the rabbit stew. Nothing rekindles passion like debating whether you're eating Bugs Bunny or local heritage.
2. Legligin (Valletta): This cozy wine bar specializes in small plates, ideal for couples who can *share food without resentment*.
3. Ix-Xini (Gozo): A hidden seafood shack by the bay. You’ll hike down a winding cliffside road, nearly break up from dehydration, and then declare it the best fish of your life.
Word of caution: Maltese portions can be unpredictable. Order carefully, unless your relationship thrives on “I told you so” energy.
Romanticish Activities You’ll “Both Enjoy”
Here’s the thing: you could just lounge by the pool all day. But you're not paying €200 a night just to nap aggressively in the sun. Here are some ways to keep your itinerary spicy, and not just because someone forgot sunscreen.
1. The Three Cities Ferry Ride
Depart from Valletta and explore Vittoriosa, Senglea, and Cospicua. It’s like a Venetian romance, only cheaper and with less gondola singing. Bonus: You can play “which city are we most like as a couple” on the ferry ride over. (Spoiler: it’s never Cospicua.)
2. Mdina: The Silent City
A walled city of medieval architecture and zero traffic. Whisper sweet nothings through the alleyways—or just enjoy the eerie silence between long-term couples who ran out of things to say in 2019.
3. Comino & The Blue Lagoon
Rent a boat or take a catamaran tour to this translucent turquoise dreamscape. It’s breathtaking, romantic, and slightly horrifying if you're prone to sunburn or existential thoughts about jellyfish.
Bring reef shoes. Nothing kills the vibe faster than limping back to shore because you stepped on a sea urchin while posing for a photo.
4. Diving for (Emotional) Depth
Malta is one of the best dive spots in Europe. Whether you’re a certified diver or just someone who once snorkeled in a hotel pool, there’s something underwater for you. Bonus: it’s hard to argue when your mouth is full of oxygen tank.
Drinking Without Oversharing
Wine, cocktails, and sunset views, the holy trinity of couple travel. Malta does alcohol well, and you can enjoy it while pretending you’re in a perfume commercial.
1. Bridge Bar (Valletta): Live jazz on Fridays. Ideal for couples who think they’re cultured, even though they met on Tinder.
2. Kinnie & Cisk: Local drinks! Kinnie is a bitter orange soda that divides people like pineapple on pizza. Cisk is the national beer—surprisingly drinkable, even during minor relationship crises.
Language, Culture, and Why You’ll Feel Like You’re in Ten Countries at Once
Malta’s official languages are Maltese (a Semitic tongue that sounds like Arabic and Italian had a baby) and English (with a mild island accent that makes even complaints sound polite).
Malta has been ruled by literally everyone, Romans, Moors, Knights of St. John, the French, the British, and probably your in laws. The result is a cultural melting pot with surprisingly few meltdowns.
People are friendly, and public displays of affection are generally fine, as long as you keep it PG-13. This is not Ibiza. Save the heavy petting for your hotel’s rooftop jacuzzi.
Money, Transportation, and Other Things You’ll Argue About in Malta
1. Currency: Euro. Keep small bills. Malta has more small vendors than you’d expect, and nobody wants to break a fifty for a €3 espresso.
2. Transport: Buses are affordable but *might* show up on time. Renting a car? Remember: they drive on the left. The arguments you’ll have about roundabouts will be legendary.
3. Taxis vs Bolt: Bolt (their Uber equivalent) is cheaper, faster, and doesn’t require you to mime “drive me to the beach” to a confused cabbie.
Instagram Moments That Might Save Your Relationship
1. Upper Barrakka Gardens (Valletta): Cannon salute at noon. Historic, loud, and free just like your last vacation.
2. St. Peter’s Pool: Natural rock pool in Marsaxlokk. Perfect for “candid” couple photos. Warning: your jealousy toward the photogenic influencer next to you may spiral.
3.Blue Grotto: Take a boat through the caves. It’s pretty, peaceful, and you’re less likely to argue in close quarters with strangers present.
What to Pack for Malta (Besides Emotional Baggage)
1. Lightweight clothing (but nothing sheer, it will blow in the wind)
3. Two bathing suits (because no one likes soggy spandex)
4. Portable charger (you’ll need it for Google Maps and ignoring each other during transit)
5. A lightweight scarf or shawl for religious sites (and spontaneous beach picnics)
Bonus Insight: Local Quirks Worth Knowing About Malta
1. The Maltese love fireworks. There’s always some random village “feast” with loud bangs and street food. Ask around. Join in. It’s delightfully chaotic.
2. Cats. Everywhere. If you're a cat-loving couple, you’ll feel like you're in purring paradise.
3. Siesta culture is real. Shops may close mid-day. Use that time to nap or argue in your Airbnb about why you didn’t get groceries earlier.
Should You Go to Malta as a Couple?
Short answer: Absolutely.
Long answer: Only if you’re prepared to mix sunshine, baroque buildings, seafood, and low-stakes arguments into a genuinely memorable experience. Malta is gorgeous, accessible, and overflowing with historical intrigue, beachy bliss, and opportunities for romance, both sappy and sarcastic.
Plus, you’ll leave with shared memories, matching tan lines, and at least one blurry photo where you look almost as in love as your Instagram caption says you are.
Still not convinced? Just go. Worst case, you break up under a palm tree. Best case, you come home more in sync than ever, possibly speaking bits of Maltese and fully addicted to pastizzi.
You're welcome.
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