A Haphazard Lovers’ Guide to Surviving (and Maybe Even Enjoying) Villajoyosa, Spain
Welcome, hopeless romantics and reluctant plus ones! If you're on the verge of booking a “life changing” couples getaway and accidentally stumbled upon Villajoyosa, Spain, congratulations. You’ve either been influenced by a suspiciously serene Instagram reel or you've confused it with Ibiza. Either way, you've landed in the technicolor fever dream of coastal Europe, and your relationship may never be the same.
Why Villajoyosa?
Let’s face it. Paris is overrun with influencers and pigeons, Venice is 90% humidity and 10% overpriced gondola, and Santorini has more photo shoots than sunsets. So why not pack your emotional baggage and jet off to the underrated, over tiled, painfully charming town of Villajoyosa?
Nestled along Spain’s Costa Blanca which translates roughly to “Where sunscreen becomes a second skin”, Villajoyosa boasts a romantic appeal best described as: If a gelato shop married a crayon box and their kid got into coastal architecture.
Day 1: Arrival & Mutual Bickering
As you arrive one of you lugging a suitcase large enough to hold a third regret, the other pretending not to sweat, you’ll immediately notice the riot of pastel buildings. Locals say they were painted bright so fishermen could see their homes from the sea. You’ll say it’s cute. Your partner will say you already posted the same photo twice on Stories. Love is alive.
Where to Stay
Book a converted fisherman’s house, now marketed as a “boutique villa” (read: 400-year-old plumbing with linen drapes). There’s no better way to test your relationship than sharing a bathroom designed during the Spanish Inquisition. Charm? 10/10. Wi-Fi signal? Ha.
Pro tip: If you’re hoping for a modern resort, you’ve confused Villajoyosa with Benidorm. Please return to your search for “Top 10 resorts with buffet and zero cultural interaction.”
Day 2: Chocolate, Sunburn, and Silence
Begin your romantic itinerary with a visit to the Valor Chocolate Museum, because nothing says “eternal devotion” like watching cocoa beans being ground into oblivion. You’ll learn fun facts like: “The founder of Valor once consumed 2 kilos of chocolate in a single sitting and still lived to 87,” which raises more questions than it answers.
Romantic Activity #1: Public Sweating
Take a stroll along the palm lined beach promenade, Playa Centro. You will think it’s romantic. Your partner will realize they forgot to bring flip flops. Now you're arguing next to a nudist in snorkeling gear. Classic Mediterranean tension builder.
Lunch: Seafood Roulette
Head to the fish market for lunch. Locals recommend asking what’s fresh, which means your waiter will bring you a tentacled creature you must now pretend to enjoy. Your partner, who told you they were “totally adventurous eaters,” is Googling “is this fish or alien?” under the table. Smile. This is love.
Day 3: The Scenic Walking Tour You’ll Never Finish
After a hearty breakfast of espresso and something suspiciously dry labeled “artisan toast,” you’ll set off on a guided historical walk. Your guide is an ex philosophy professor named Roberto, who will explain in great detail how Villajoyosa has withstood pirate invasions, economic collapse, and worst of all, package tourism.
You will begin the hike up to the Torre de San José, an ancient Roman funeral tower, because nothing screams honeymoon like contemplating mortality under a blazing sun. If your relationship survives this walk, consider upgrading your commitment to joint mortgage status.
Pro Tip:
At some point, one of you will suggest turning back. The other will insist, “We’re almost there.” You are not almost there. You are now in a performance of emotional resilience.
Day 4: Market Day & Deep Relationship Reflection
It’s market day! Time to wander through endless stalls selling linen pants, oversized sunhats, and objects labeled “artisan” that may or may not be glued pasta shells. Buy matching straw fans and argue over whether that makes you “cute” or “basic.”
Couples Challenge: Shared Shopping Decisions
Watch the love of your life try to haggle in broken Spanish for a ceramic plate you’ll break in transit. Then spend 20 minutes arguing whether it’s ethical to buy a “handcrafted” tambourine from a vendor wearing Crocs and blasting reggaeton.
Day 5: When in Spain, Drink Like the Spanish (Responsibly, Please)
Time for a winery tour! Because nothing improves communication like several glasses of locally fermented honesty. Head to a small, family owned vineyard nearby where a man named Esteban will pour you glasses until your relationship achieves a transcendent level of clarity... or chaos.
You’ll discover your partner’s nuanced opinion on your toothbrush etiquette. You’ll respond with an impromptu flamenco move. The wine is working.
Later, dine al fresco on tapas. Your partner will mispronounce “gambas al ajillo”, and the waiter will smirk just enough to start a new inside joke you’ll carry into your 80s (or at least to the flight home).
Day 6: Cultural Immersion or Mild Discomfort
Visit the local church, Iglesia de Nuestra Señora de la Asunción, because spiritual architecture has a way of silencing the ongoing debate about who forgot to pack the sunscreen.
Sit in the pews and absorb the peaceful atmosphere while considering if this could be your future wedding venue. Or just Instagram the stained glass and call it “deeply moving.”
Then pop into the Vilamuseu, the local archaeological museum, where you’ll marvel at ancient amphorae and Roman sandals that somehow still look trendier than your Birkenstocks.
Day 7: Beach, Reconciliation, and Strategic Nap Time
Your final day. Head to Playa El Paraiso, less crowded and more “we might skinny dip if no one’s looking.” Bring wine, olives, and emotional baggage from last night’s tapas fueled conversation about who’s more “emotionally avoidant.”
Lie side by side on the warm sand. The waves crash gently. You look at each other and realize: this town, with its sensory overload of colors, smells, and mismatched tile patterns, may not have healed your relationship. But it did provide endless distraction from it. Which is arguably better.
Parting Thoughts from the Love Trenches of Villajoyosa
You came to Villajoyosa for romance. You found mismatched ceramics, existential hikes, and a sea urchin you accidentally sat on. But between the shared gelato, mildly traumatic hiking excursions, and late-night confessions over sangria, you discovered something sacred:
Your partner has questionable taste in souvenir T-shirts, but impeccable taste in choosing you.
And that, dear readers, is the real journey.
The Ultimate Villajoyosa Packing List (for Couples Who Think They’re Ready)
1. SPF 50 and patience
2. Phrasebook with “Where’s the nearest pharmacy?”
3. Extra suitcase space for two dozen handmade mugs you will never use
4. Open heart. Closed mouth (during arguments in public).
5. Portable charger (because someone *always* forgets)
6. A flexible attitude toward hygiene and historical plumbing
7. Zero expectations. 100% snack budget.
Final Rating:
Romance: 8.3/10 (discounted for sun rash and tapas induced arguments)
Instagrammability: 9.7/10 (as long as your angles are tight and your captions vague)
Likelihood of proposing here: 3.2% (but 84% chance of a very intense DTR conversation)
Will you come back?: Probably not. But you’ll talk about it like you lived there for a year.
